Proverbs 19:5-9

A false witness will not go unpunished,
and whoever pours out lies will not go free.

Many curry favor with a ruler,
and everyone is the friend of one who gives gifts.

The poor are shunned by all their relatives—
how much more do their friends avoid them!
Though they pursue them with pleading,
they are nowhere to be found. [a]

Those who get wisdom love their own lives;
those who cherish understanding will soon prosper.

A false witness will not go unpunished,
and whoever pours out lies will perish.

From the Wisdom of Solomon (2:12-3:9):

For they reasoned unsoundly,
saying to themselves,

“Let us lie in wait for the righteous man,
because he is inconvenient to us
and opposes our actions;
he reproaches us for sins against the law,
and accuses us of sins against our training.
He professes to have knowledge of God,
and calls himself the child of the Lord.
He became to us a reproof of our thoughts;
the very sight of him is a burden to us,
because his manner of life is unlike that of others,
and his ways are strange.
We are considered by him as something base,
and he avoids our ways as unclean;
he calls the last end of the righteous happy,
and boasts that God is his father.
Let us see if his words are true,
and let us test what will happen at
the end of his life;
for if the righteous man is God’s
son, he will help him,
and will deliver him from the hand of his adversaries.
Let us test him with insult and torture,
that we may find out how gentle he is,
and make trial of his forbearance.
Let us condemn him to a shameful death,
for according to what he says he will be protected.”

Thus they reasoned, but
they were led astray, for their
wickedness blinded them, and they did
not know the secret purposes of God,
nor hope for the wages of holiness,
nor discern the prize for blameless souls;
for God created man for incorruption, and
made him in the image of his own eternity,
but through the devil’s envy death entered the world,
and those who belong to his party experience it.

But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God,
and no torment will ever touch them.
In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died,
and their departure was thought to be a disaster,
and their going from us to be their destruction;
but they are at peace.
For though in the sight of others they were punished,
their hope is full of immortality.
Having been disciplined a little, they will receive great good,
because God tested them and found them worthy of himself;
like gold in the furnace he tried them,
and like a sacrificial burnt-offering he accepted them.
In the time of their visitation they will shine forth,
and will run like sparks through the stubble.
They will govern nations and rule over peoples,
and the Lord will reign over them for ever.
Those who trust in him will understand truth,
and the faithful will abide with him in love,
because grace and mercy are upon his holy ones,
and he watches over his elect.

Integral to any healthy family are clear boundaries.  Where there are too many boundaries, people suffocate, become emotionally stunted, and go through life seething with a lot of repressed anger.  Where there are too few laws, people are prone to confusing license with liberty, sowing the wind, and inheriting the whirlwind.   

One of the places to go to develop healthy boundaries, friendly fences for living, is the wisdom literature of the Bible. In particular, this article regarding help for the family, concerns itself primarily with two books of wisdom literature, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes.  These two books are loaded with insight on how to raise children, set goals, strike balances, and avoid so many of the heartaches and headaches that hit families hard.  
These two books are loaded with maxims.  Maxims are concisely expressed principles or rules of conduct or statements of general truth.  In the Eastern World, truth, set forth in an economy of words, was a great value as a teaching tool.  A congressman friend of mine compiles maxims as guideposts for living, teaching, and explaining.  In Luther’s day, his brilliant friend, Philip Melanchthon, collected proverbs.  So did the learned Erasmus.  Our first President, George Washington, also found this to be a useful practice for life.   

Pertaining to family matters, the maxims and proverbs which come from Ecclesiastes and Proverbs present timeless wisdom for the family.  Granted, these two books offer expositions as well as maxims as they cover dozens of subjects in a most down-to-earth, elegant, witty manner.  Speaking about the book of Proverbs, Philip Yancy put it this way, “The book offers the warm advice you get by growing up in a good family: practical guidance for successfully making your way in the world.  It covers small questions as well as large: talking too much, visiting neighbors too often, being unbearably cheerful too early in the morning.”

While Proverbs seems particularly well fitted for young people, Ecclesiastes takes one to a deeper level.  Both books underline the importance of getting the gift of wisdom at all costs.  While Proverbs will teach young people about the wisdom of  avoiding gangs, avoiding sex outside of marriage, and avoiding the life of the fool, Ecclesiastes is to a large part an autobiographical sketch of a extraordinarily brilliant man who played the life of a fool.  Combine Albert Einstein’s brain with a converted Hugh Hefner’s soul and you have the author of Ecclesiastes reminiscing before our eyes.   While Proverbs gives one great breadth, Ecclesiastes gives one great depth.

One of the profound theses in Ecclesiastes that is seen in Proverbs when you read it as a whole, is the need for balance in life.  By nature, we are given to extremes.  Remembering also C.S. Lewis’ insight that temptations come to us in pairs, we see by nature we lean toward extremism—even in our moderation—and are pulled by radical forces, powers, and principalities.  

Much of Solomon’s life, after his good start, was one of a perilous pendulum movement rather than a therapeutic paradoxical path.  It took him a good while to discover that that which is truly orthodox is paradox.  Here we come to the truth that the core message of the Bible is paradox.  What do we mean?  We mean that God declares the “ungodly” “godly” for the sake of His Son (Romans 4:5).  Jesus Himself is the absolute paradox being both God and man at the same time.  At the same time, Christians are sinners as well as saints, God’s joyful mourners, the last who are the first, the weak who are the strong, who are members of God’s Kingdom yet pray “Thy Kingdom come!”

To catch this Messianic movement is crucial for healthy families.  Come back to our opening thesis in this article:  A family with too many laws is as lethal as a family with too few laws.  Listen to Solomon as he reflects upon this matter in Ecclesiastes:

      “Do not be overrighteous,

            neither be overwise—

            why destroy yourself?

      Do not be ovewicked,

            and do not be a fool—

            why die before your time?

      It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.

            The man who fears God will avoid all extremes!” (7:16-18)

Don’t be too rigid.  Don’t be too lax.  Don’t be a workaholic.  Don’t be a lazy procrastinator.  Don’t have sex outside of marriage, but be sure to enjoy it within marriage.  Beautiful balance of boundaries!   
Solomon in Ecclesiastes 3 poetically expresses the need for parents to learn, teach, and model the balanced life.   Here he sets forth boundaries which breathe like healthy lungs pumped by a heart pulsating with appreciation that every good gift comes from God.   Solomon’s paradoxical lyrical lines would become the words for a million selling record by a baby boomer rock group called “the Birds”:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

      a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,

      a time to weep and a time to laugh,

      a time to mourn and a time to dance,

      a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

      a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

      a time to search and a time to give up,

      a time to keep and a time to throw away,

      a time to tear and a time to mend,

      a time to be silent and a time to speak,

      a time to love and a time to hate,

      a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8    

 

One of the keys to a healthy family is flexibility and the ability to recognize the ebb and flow of life.  Relationships regain their balance when they become flexible and imaginative instead of rigid and Johnny-one-note. After all, less anxious people who can shift gears tolerate tension better and manage the ambiguities of life that frequently come our way.   Comedian Mary Lou Henner once quipped that the key to life is how well you handle “plan B.”  In Ecclesiastes 3, Solomon reminds us of how important it is to wisely adapt.  The ability to accept legitimate change, to give and take, gain and lose, willingness to acquiesce, know when to submit and when to permit, is the fruit of wisdom, prayer and the fear of the Lord.  Solomon makes this clear early in Proverbs (3:5) and throughout Ecclesiastes (5:19).  This vision, born of the gospel, God’s love in Christ, recognizes that every gift comes form God, temporal as well as spiritual.  This theology is embedded in his overarching statements enjoining us to trust God.

Another critical key in a healthy family is good communication.  Good communication implies saying the right thing in the right way at the right time.  No wonder Solomon writes, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.  God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few” (Ecclesiastes 5:2).   

From Proverbs, we gather the same message: be careful with your tongue.  A review of Solomon’s advice on communication is most salutary for home harmony: restraint 10:19; honest words 12:22; gentle, diplomatic words 15:1; wise timing 15:23; words which edify and heal 16:24; words which avoid interrupting people 18:13; words not in service of gossip 20:19; words not wasted on mockers (9:2); words backed up by action 14:23; and more.   
A matter that can contribute significantly to a person’s sense of well being and a family’s health is to find joy in one’s vocation.  Solomon put it this way, “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work.  This too, I see, is from the hand of God” (Ecclesiastes 2:24).  Note Solomon’s theology of grace—every gift is from God.  Note also how finding satisfaction in one’s work is not only a gift to seek and pray for, but a key piece of the good life.  To increase the probability of such a life, Solomon does not enjoin lethargy.  Even though a satisfying vocation is a gift, it is a gift we are to work toward.  So it does not surprise us when Solomon tells us that a wise person becomes highly skilled at some line of work (Ecclesiastes 10:10).  Throughout these two treatises Solomon carefully eschews legalism (3:11) as well as lawlessness (12:13).  Although his language is not as Christocentric as St. Paul’s in the New Testament, it is language that is sola gratia.  In this sense, these two works foreshadow the wisdom of the ages, Jesus Christ (Proverbs 8:22 ff.)     

A healthy family will evince a deep desire to grow.  Implied in this is the fact that none of us have arrived.  The continuous multitude of exhortations to embrace wisdom, esteem wisdom, and to get wisdom run throughout these books.  Proverbs says it so well, “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.  Though it cost all you have, get understanding” (4:8).  Even after one gets a measure of wisdom, it takes a huge effort to retain it.  Wrote Solomon, “Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.”  Solomon learned this the hard way as he took the prodigal path for a number of years.  He learned the need to daily drown the old Adam through the gift of repentance and to have a humble mind.  He had thought himself at one time to have arrived only to find major deficits in his thinking and life.   

Healthy thinking in a family anchors itself to an eternal perspective.  God has graciously planted an eternal homing device within our soul, but in our attempt to be God we easily seek to muzzle its signal.  Solomon wrote, “God has made everything beautiful in its time.  He also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).  Having an eternal perspective creates the humility we need to let God be God and to walk humbly in our relationships here on earth.  By standing in awe of God we escape from the bondage of self.  The message of these two Old Testament books is that human beings need to belong to some greater than life cause or life is a chasing after the wind.  The New Testament answer in fulfillment of Old Testament promises is that Jesus Christ through the Church answers the deepest needs of life and eternal life.  Solomon tells us in these two books that worldly advancement was meaningless, fame was ultimately not satisfying.  In the end, power, money, illicit sex, and every other hedonistic pleasure possible just left him.   It was only when he came back to a courageous life of trust in the God of all grace could he see that life was not as Macbeth said, “a tale told by an idiot, full of fury, and sound signifying nothing.”

Several years ago, I recall hearing Dr. Martin Marty speak on a radio program in St. Louis.  He was on a secular radio station.  This respected church historian was asked the question whether the Bible had much to say about the family.  His answer dumbfounded me.  He gave a bland “no.”   
Trying to put the best construction on things, that the Bible per se does not treat this topic systematically, one might assent to Marty’s negative response.  However, in examining the content of the Bible, you see God’s love and rescue story is above all an exposition of agape love, the most salutary glue for a strong family!  The message of unconditional love and the forgiveness it brings keeps families from becoming stuck in deadly pathologies.  When this news dwells richly, a firm foundation for family is laid.  Besides the insight for families in books like Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, other sections of Scripture such as the Sermon on the Mount, Ephesians 4-6, Galatians 3-5, and I Peter 2-3 revolutionized the ancient world as this body of literature taught that men and women were on equal footing before God through the Gospel miracle of baptism!
One of the best practices a family can develop is to simply read a few passages around the dinner table from Proverbs and  

Ecclesiastes.  Read them slowly.  Have the children read them when they are old enough.  Some days no commentary is necessary.  Other days you may get enthusiastic response.  The patient planting of these gems is the key thing.     
Over the years, I have heard quite a few testimonies from brilliant men and women how the books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes have given them deep insight into themselves, others, life, and God.  Here is wisdom for the family!  I believe we could make a profound contribution to the health of our families by reading aloud these books and planting the seeds of wisdom for families to grow strong.  Such an effort will equip families with wisdom from above to make wise choices, avoid hornet’s nests, and “train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6)

For Further Reading

The books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes (Don’t be afraid to use several different translations over a period of time.)

Three Philosophies of Life by Peter Kreeft,  Ignatius Press San Francisco 1989.  Kreeft has been called the C.S. Lewis of the Roman Catholic Church. Kreeft writes very well! A joy to read!  This is one of his better works not suffering from legalistic and syncretistic tendencies evinced in other works where anthropocentric notes overtake gospel realities. Kreeft, though a well read Christian thinker fails to grasp Luther’s use of reason in the realm of theology.           
The Student Bible with notes by Philip Yancy and Tim Stafford NIV  Zondervan Bible Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan.  1989  The notes on the Wisdom literature books of the Bible are excellent.  You will have to forbear missed opportunities for apt Gospel commentary.  Nevertheless, very thoughtful commentary.   Proverbs often are dealing with probabilities as well as absolutes.  Be sure to be aware of this distinction as you read this literature.   

Proverbs: The People’s Bible, Roland Cap Ehlke, Northwestern Publishing House, 1992.  ISBN 0-8100-0468-2.  Excellent Law-Gospel treatment of this book.   
Ecclesiastes & Song of Songs, The People’s Bible, Roland Cap Ehlke, Northwestern Publishing House, 1988.  ISBN 0-9100-0279-5.   A clear Law-Gospel, Christ-centered exposition of two wisdom literature books loaded with value truths to enrich marriage and family.

For today’s feature, “Athena Thursday,” here is a list of texts from Proverbs to bridle even the wildest horses mouth:

Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips
and spreads slander is a fool.

Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
but the prudent hold their tongues.

The tongue of the righteous is choice silver,
but the heart of the wicked is of little value.

The lips of the righteous nourish many,
but fools die for lack of sense. (10:18-21)

With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors,
but through knowledge the righteous escape.

When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices;
when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy.

Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.

Those who have no sense deride their neighbors,
but those who have understanding hold their tongues.

Gossips betray a confidence,
but the trustworthy keep a secret. (11:9-13)

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Truthful lips endure forever,
but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. (12:18-19)

The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge,
but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. (15:2,4)

To human beings belong the plans of the heart,
but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue. (16:1)

A wicked person listens to deceitful lips;
a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.

One whose heart is corrupt does not prosper;
one whose tongue is perverse falls into trouble.

Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
and discerning if they hold their tongues. (17:4,20,28)

The words of the mouth are deep waters,
but the fountain of wisdom is a rushing stream.

The lips of fools bring them strife,
and their mouths invite a beating.

The mouths of fools are their undoing,
and their lips are a snare to their very lives.

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
they go down to the inmost parts.

From the fruit of their mouths people’s stomachs are filled;
with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.

The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit. (18:4,6-8,20-21)

A fortune made by a lying tongue
is a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare.

Those who guard their mouths and their tongues
keep themselves from calamity. (21:6,23)

Through patience a ruler can be persuaded,
and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Like a north wind that brings unexpected rain
is a sly tongue—which provokes a horrified look. (25:15,23)

Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware
are fervent lips with an evil heart.

Enemies disguise themselves with their lips,
but in their hearts they harbor deceit.

Though their speech is charming, do not believe them,
for seven abominations fill their hearts. (26:23-25)

Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor
rather than one who has a flattering tongue. (28:23)

Every word of God is flawless;
he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

Do not add to his words,
or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar. (30:5-6)